Is there a such thing I hear you ask?
Well…it depends. Are you calling your fuckbuddy your BFF or do you genuinely have a male best friend? One who possesses all the qualities your female best friend has and can 100% put your hand on your heart and say you have a completely platonic relationship your significant other should have no qualms about?🤔
I’ll just explain my situation and what drew me to post this very blog.
Last night I was on Facebook and a male Facebook friend (I don’t know him personally) was having a bit of a rant. He was ranting about his “friend” (we all know anyone who has a ‘friend’ going through a dilema are talking about themselves) anyway, this ‘friend’ has been with his girlfriend for 2 years and for 2 years this girl has claimed to have a male BFF and it’s purely platonic. In actual fact, it’s come to light that this male BFF is actually her FWB (friend with benefits) I’m not sure if she was sleeping with her ‘bff’ at the same time she was with her boyfriend (let’s assume she wasn’t) but her boyfriend has totally kicked off and is now labelling all girls fuck girls and sly for this type of behaviour and says any male/female friendship is clearly a sexual one or has been in the past and girls just need to be honest instead of making their boyfriends’ look like a total idiot.
I felt compelled to respond to his post to give my personal experience/2 pence.
I briefly explained that I infact have a male BFF. Although I hate the term ‘bff’ as it’s very high school and don’t keep ‘best friends’ the term was fitting for the post. I explained that we have been best friends for almost 10 years and has been completely platonic. We do everything same sex friends do. Talk on the phone. Hang out. Go to dinner. Go to each other for advice. We’ve even shared a bed and nothing happened. Now- I did contradict my post by also admitting just a few months ago we did in fact have sex. I was just in a really bad place at the time and called him to console me and one thing lead into another. We were physical just once.
I went on to say that luckily it didn’t affect our friendship and we remain close. I also mentioned that if I were to get into a new relationship I would probably fail to mention that aspect of our friendship because I wouldn’t want one act to completely discredit our authentic platonic relationship we have had before and thereafter.
WELL!!! The Facebook keyboard warriors were at one. They came for me! I got labelled all sorts. A whore. A liar. The Facebook poster even went on to dedicate a whole new Facebook post to me claiming “this is why you girls over 30 are single,cos you’re all liars and you wonder where the good men are. At the end of the day you let your so called best friend hit. That’s reckless behaviour”
You would of thought I fucked his best friend or killed his cat. Girls AND guys were “liking” his posts/comments. It didn’t bother me though. Part of me wanted to totally defend my friendship. But the other part of me decided to put my phone down and go to bed.
I do however want to come on this platform, where I have free reign to defend my friendship. Facebook wasn’t the time or the place. I was talking to a lot of sensitive immature men who couldn’t fathom how a female and a male could simply be friends. It was pointless.
So…Eric and I have been best friends since 2007. He and I initially had a professional relationship as I was seeking a professional photographer at the time we became friends. He was and still is completely professional when it comes to his work. (I’ve said professional way too many times in this one sentence) lol
He was initially that guy who I would contact as and when I needed a photographer. As time went on. I realised he’s actually a cool guy. Very quiet. Very reserved. Doesn’t talk much. But when he does he talks complete sense and I was so drawn by his maturity and level of knowledge in so many areas. As you all know I’m used to dealing with fuckboys so to hear Eric speak so much sense of a variety of subjects; be it politics. Relationships. Parenting. Dating. Travel. Culture. Food. Religion. He just spoke so eloquently and made a whole lot of sense. It was a breath of fresh air.
At the time we were friends I had no real attraction to him. I hated his dress sense and he always had a backback (before backpacks were cool) he wore baggy jeans and his trainers were awful. He sported a really sharp goatee. He was definitely not my type.
Fast forward 2012. I was fresh into a relationship with Adam (I’ve briefly spoken about him in other blogs) we were 4 months into our relationship and it was going relatively well. He’s a massive football fan. He lives and breathes it. I had won some tickets to a basketball match during the 2012 olympics through work and being Eric is a huge basketball fan, I thought I’d take him rather than Adam. Obviously had it of been a football match I would of taken Adam. I took my friend who would appreciate the gesture and understand the game. Just like I wouldn’t take my boyfriend to see a chick flick, I would take a girlfriend. I didn’t see the point in him coming to this basketball game.
I didn’t tell Adam though. Because I knew it would cause a drama so I kept it to myself.
Me and Eric went to the game. Took pics. Took selfies. Had canapés and drinks in the VIP Lounge and sat courside (opposite Kobe and Vanessa Bryant). We had a great day. Eric was very grateful and said he owes me one.
My 25th birthday was coming up and I was having a party. I asked Eric if he could be my videographer for the night to which he happily obliged- he charged me a great rate too. He said he would do the editing for free and give me 50% off what he would normally charge. Who could say no to that?
He came to the party on time. Professional as always. He circled the entire venue and made sure he got everyone in shot. He even got my closest family and friends to do personalised birthday messages. Due to me being super busy on the night. Mingling and making sure everyone was enjoying themselves. I didn’t have any time to properly speak to Eric. Just after midnight Eric said his time was up and he’s ready to leave. I offered for us to go in my car for a quick chat while I pay him cash and also for a brief catch up. Not only was he my videographer for he night. He’s also my friend and I haven’t even had the chance to catch up with him, so I wanted to take him outside of the hustle and bustle of the loud music and people to properly thank him.
We were in my car less than 10 mins and suddenly my car door burst open from the driver side. “Get out. And who the fuck is he…what’s going on fam??” Adam screams. I was totally embarrassed and automatically kicked off. I mentioned on more than one occasion that I was simply talking to my friend and thanking him for his services and about to pay him. Adam starts screaming “paying someone does not require a 30 minute private conversation in the car”. Bla bla bla. I cut me and Eric’s conversation short and he went on his way.
“Have you fucked him?!”- Adam spits
“NO!” I deny.
There was no convincing him. Although I was telling the truth, Adam could not believe for a single moment a man would have a platonic relationship with a female without any exchange in physical activity. BULLSHIT- because I was living proof.
I apologised prefusely to Eric through text and although he said it was okay. I know he was really upset and the altercation made him uncomfortable. He kept his distance for a while and anytime I needed a photographer/videographer he now all of a sudden was unavailable. But in true Eric form. He never officially let me down and always recommended me an alternative photographer.
I had broken up with Adam mid 2013 and me and Eric were close again. The guy I could go to if I wanted a cheeky Nando’s companion, some advice or just someone to watch a movie with at the cinema. He really was my BFF! Eric had met most of my friends and parents.
One afternoon after Eric kindly joined me for a viewing of a new flat I was looking to rent we went to my mums to collect some belongings. I pulled up in my car outside my mums house. “Wait here” I said “Can I come in and say hi to your mum? I haven’t seen her in ages” he asks. What a gentleman. “Of course”.
We both walk into my mums house and he immediately greeted her with a “hello mum” my mum smiled from ear to ear “your face looks familiar Hun. But you’ll have to remind me of your name sweetheart”
“Eric” he smiles.
“He’s my friend who does all the videography for all my events mum” I interject.
“YESSSSSS” my mum screams and gives him another hug. This time a little longer and tighter.
“Has anyone ever told you that you look like Anthony Joshua?”
For the first time in almost 8 years. I looked at Eric; who is now sporting a light stubble. Straight legged jeans. Fresh trim with natural waves for days in a whole new light. This guy is really attractive!! I’d never before that day ever looked at him sexually.
Eric said he had to head off and said he was fine to get the train back alone. We said our goodbyes and he told me to 100% take that flat as it was amazing. I’m so glad he came with me.
I sat with my mum who bagan to grill me asking why me and him have never got together. I told her we’ve always just been really close friends and it’s what works for us. Anything more now would just be totally awkward and I’m not prepared to kill my curiosity and potentially ruin my friendship thereafter.
My mum then thought “well. He’d be mad to not want to be with you- or gay haha”
My mum seems to think anyone who doesn’t want me is mad or gay. It’s quite rude but hey- she’s mummy and she’ll always stan for her only daughter.
Eric has always been a huge part of my life. Even when I fell pregnant. He was the one who did my maternity shoot. He came to see my son when he was born (my fave pic of the two below)
One recent evening. I had received some really bad news regarding a family member. I was inconsolable. I called Eric at 9pm frantic. Unable to get my words out. He said he’ll be at mine in an hour. He said because it’s late he will have to stay over and go to work from mine. I said that’s fine.
He came round and I literally collapsed in his arms. Unable to speak. He just stood at the door (which he hadn’t even closed behind him yet) and held me. We didn’t speak. He just let me cry and get everything out of my system.
We came in and I made him some food. I told Eric I was really tired and ready for bed and said he’s more than welcome to chill in the living room for a bit if he wanted. He said no and he’ll come up to bed too.
We spoke in bed for half an hour or so before I became hysterical again. I blubbered into his chest which was now completely soaking wet. Again, Eric didn’t say much. Just the right things at the right times. He held me, told me I’m strong and will get through this. He kissed my forehead a few times too.
I’d had enough of crying and turned my back towards him. I still wanted him close to me so I asked him to spoon me. He hesitated as he probably felt that he was putting himself in a compromising position. I asked him again and told him I don’t bite and grabbed his arm and put them around me. His top part of his body was close to me. But his bottom part couldn’t be any further from me. I told him to get comfortable and I sashayed my backside towards him. I noticed he had a hard on. My room was pitched black and silent but I could hear Eric’s heart beating out of his chest.
I’d never heard anything like it. I asked him if he was okay and he basically in a round a bout way said he is really uncomfortable right now and deals with really bad anxiety. I tried to make him as comfortable as I could by reassuring him he’s in no way taking advantage. I know I’m in a vulnerable situation right now but I’m a grown adult and I won’t feel taken advantage of.
He said it’s not just that but he’s totally out of his comfort zone and it makes him anxious. He also said he suffers from depression and PTSD. With respect to Eric and his personal situation. I won’t go into too much about what he opened up to me about but at that moment I felt like the worse friend in the world. How did I not know this prior? I’ve been so self absorbed with my own selfish needs that he’s catered to all these years I’d completely neglected his and never taken his into consideration. He said it’s nothing to do with me being a bad friend. He is naturally introverted and can hide his feelings very well. I still felt awful.
In true fuckgirl fashion the only way I knew how to make him feel better was physically. I caressessed his face and we shared a passionate kiss. I didn’t feel sparks or fireworks. But I was horny. We kissed each other gently. They were short subtle kisses with little tongue. We kissed for about 10 minutes or so. I wanted so badly to feel Eric inside of me. I kept telling him how horny I was but he didn’t act on it. After another few minutes of kissing I turned my back to him and tried to fall asleep.
The conversation we had prior to our kiss was still playing on my mind. But I didn’t want to press the issue too much as I know it took a lot of guts for him to open up to me so I left it.
I was still horny though. I turned back around and put my hand near Eric’s penis. It was still hard but it wasn’t huge. I was slightly disappointed but could still work with it (I think Aidan’s spoilt me)
We kissed again and then Eric broke our kiss and he did something I never thought he would ever have the guts or initiative to do. He went down on me.
I wasn’t expecting it to be as good as it was. But it was amazing. He was down there for a good 20 minutes. After he came up for air. He flipped me around. We were now doing 69. Ok not a fan of 69- something about being face down ass up doesn’t sit well with me but “whatever makes him happy” I thought.
After our 69 session Eric climbed on top of me and almost collapsed. “OMG no” he pulled out immediately. I asked him what was wrong “nothing. You just feel so good” he asked me if I had a condom which was in my bedside table. I gave it to him and he put it on.
Once he was inside me he continued to tell me how beautiful I was. He kissed me in between strokes. After about a minute and a half he looked down and said “nooooo” I knew what that meant- and I was totally okay with it. I pulled him in closer and told him “it’s okay baby. Cum for me” he came and was totally embarrassed. He kept apologising and said that he hadn’t been intimate with a woman in 7 months and was on a mind body and spirit cleanse (he became vegan and was practicing celibacy) I felt bad because I’d kinda fucked that up for him but I told him it was okay. 7 months is a long time.
We both fell asleep and woke up the next morning as if nothing had happened. He woke up before me already dressed. He kissed me on the forehead and said he was heading off. He said he will call me later- which he did.
We carried on as before and I can honestly say; that one night did not suddenly make me want to declare my undying love for Eric. He’s still an amazing friend to me. Even after that night- with my issue I had prior to calling him. He had sent me some weblinks with regards to my situation and how it could somehow help me- that’s the type of guy he is.
I’ve seen him since and we are completely fine back to normal. No awkwardness at all- thank god!
I am truly blessed that our one sexual encounter didn’t ruin the amazing friendship we have.
So back to the Facebook poster who had a fit about his “friends” girlfriend having a male BFF. While I can understand she obv took him for an idiot by trying to convince him her fuckbuddy is her best friend and she used him as her personal dildo for 2 years. My situation was totally different. It would take a special type of man to understand mine and Eric’s friendship and the dynamics.
Because I have had previous boyfriends question our (then) strictly platonic friendship. No man could ever possibly understand it now.
Do male/female platonic relationships exist? Yes! But they are rare. I don’t regret trading our friendship which was so authentic for that one night- but I don’t think another male would understand.
They would just simply see Eric as a creepy guy trying to escape the friend zone which is totally not the case.
Maybe he’s my soul mate? Maybe we should get married and live happily ever after lol…
I just love him too much to even want to take our friendship to that level. Because I would be absolutely devastated if a relationship broke down and I lost my best friend.